My days are blurring one into the next. I had to look at the calendar to know I’ve been here three weeks now. I realize I am two behind in posting my blogs from my actual real time, making hard to follow. I hope to catch up this week….

As for last night, it was wretched. More night sweats, spasticity, the need to sleep/shut down, multiple trips to restroom, on standby for either puking or BOOM, hideous internal neurological sensations of wanting to explode or implode. I followed my same rotation each time I woke/pee/meds/switch PJ’s/crash, etc. It was a night of full on warfare, then by early morning, it settled with some bodily peace. F.I.N.A.L.L.Y. See video below for my morning comments.

Thank goodness the cleaners were coming to flip the linens today.

8am meds:

Dexamethasone .5mg (putting this back in to help mitigate the neural tension)
Pantoprazole 40mg
Ciproflaxin 500mg (anti-biotic) x 2/day
Acyclovir 400mg (anti-viral)
Itraconazole 100mg (anti-fungal)
Fenazopiridina 40mg x 2/day

12:30pm:
Filgrastim shot: 300 micro units (now daily to mobilize stem cells from the bone marrow)

I was keen for my usual veggie/fruit/ginger smoothie breakfast, then rested in my regular morning perch in the sunlight. Have I mentioned how grateful I am to have the sun beaming in here every day?!

Hearing Fernie moving about the apartment gives me solace. I feel my sister K. has sent him to me, to be omnipresent of my well-being. When I look into the sun I see S. smiling at me, telling me to persevere. The recall of both their beautiful, gentle blue eyes on me makes me realize tears are steaming down my face from grief of their losses. Breathe. Gosh. I’m OK, just in a place of deep emotional and physical exhaustion right now.

I feel the love from everyone far and wide with me and that gives me strength ♥️

It was wonderful receiving everyone’s Happy Birthday wishes today from my transplant (on the 17th).

A knock on my door and outside was left an ornately drawn envelope with a gift of a lint roller inside for my buzz fuzz from Elvia and Ana downstairs. So sweet especially as she is struggling hard with this treatment too.

Then Saturday night, I received a pic of Jenny and my darling Cecil from Healing Reins.

Thank you so much everyone. It was SO thoughtful!

As for the day, I stayed as long as possible on the lounger until symptoms from the night slithered their way back in forcing me up to medicate. Alongside them, there was that sick numbness growing up my legs into my torso, spinning head, weird fatigue, heart palpitations, other abnormal sensations. You get the picture. I thought I would try hit it all harder and earlier with meds to ahead of it. 



A positive sign was that I was hungry. I don’t eat much when I’m not up for it, then my body tells me what it needs and I gorge. Today was roast organic chicken, roast potatoes, broccoli, green tomatoes, zucchini, red pepper, onions, garlic, butter, olive oil and mushrooms. I ate the whole plate – yup, JBug you did good – then went back to my perch on the lounger.

It was a rough day. I was in too much pain to try to stretch. I just had to live through it and hope after the night, it would put me on the backside of these last chemo rounds.

Click here for video of morning of 19th